by meredith murphy
The New Human exists at the fulcrum of vast inner movement and the reflection of this in manifest realtiy.
To begin to know this experience, I claim my true nature: I am movement.
As movement I feel exhilaration! I don't know exactly where I am going and at times this has held me back, but no more. I don't always see the big picture of why I am drawn to certain things, but I trust myself and I allow myself to move into, toward that which I am drawn toward, that which I love and which I feel like experiencing--not slowly gingerly, but with heart and enthusiasm--running freely, the wind in my hair, kind of movement.
I am invigorated by nature and life.
I am embracing my innate innocence and sense of adventure.
I have let go of needing to see all the steps in front of me.
I am just flowing, moving toward life in each moment. Trusting. Confident. Strong. Joy embodied.
Beautiful!
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Movement supports our body as we allow the intense energies we're experiencing to elevate our experience. I've doubled my daily walk time with the dogs and am also beginning to think about rollerblading again and/or running. The more we participate with these waves of energy cooperatively, merging with the energy, the easier this is. I'm noticing that the more I move physically the better I feel and using all this energy to exercise is also flowing the energy it in a wonderfully positive way for my body!
To get into this flow of movement, I had to cultivate it. It grew gradually as I noticed any kind of movement energized and opened me up and so I kind of kept at it, little by little. I had so much inertia after all this inner stuff for so long!! Eventually more and more movement became part of my day and the whole thing got it's own momentum. I know it will continue to expand as I am appreciating it and noticing the delicious ways I feel!
I am a big fan of stillness and inner movement. For me, I simply came to a point where my inner movement was SO VAST! My life in manfiest reality needed to come into balance and also move with more acceleration and expansion to reflect this.
I needed flow in all of my life, not primarily on the inner planes where it was.
All of this amazing, vast inner movement, NEEDS to come forth in our manifest reality! The inner movement so many of us have created, in manifest reality, will expand our world! I see the reflection of our inner "ultra-marathoner" emerging in our manifest reality as a powerful gift, balancing and harmonizing our world and revealing the New Human--who moves on inner planes and creates and shifts energy in big ways day in day out. This most naturally will be reflected in the outer experiences we have and are.
I am an embodied being who was covering enormous distance within and yet my outer life was not moving so dramatically and I sense that's what's next...to have created enough alignment with our I AM presence, that we are able to elevate our seat of consciousness and reflect the inner reality by letting it flow into our way of being in the manifest world. My outer life was kinda stuck... I am not just talking about exercise here, I am talking too about literal movement--to new places, creating new things, new relationships, manifesting my ideas and releasing them and creating more and more and more...about overall acceleration and letting it create more movement in manifest reality as a natural allowing of my energy to expand and be unified and harmonious.
In addition to all the inertia from so much stillness, there was a part of me that wanted to plan and organize my life...like I used to in the old paradigm. For so long there was a part of me that wanted to KNOW and in this wanting, I hesitated. Waited. I tolerated not knowing decisively and let parts of my life not move. The thing is--now that we are moving beyond patterns and habits, there is less "known" about life in the long-term sense. We can focus upon the essence of things we wish to experience--joy, happiness, vitality, love, abundance, freedom--and generate these. The particulars are dynamic. As we release patterns and habits, we become more FREE. In this freedom life is spontaneous. Dynamic. In-flux. And we don't need to see all the steps. I've known this for a while, but it's different to know this and move slowly then to know this and RUN HEADLONG into life. ! Running takes real trust and confidence. And for me, really it is a leap of faith I'm embracing.
What changed so much of this is the clear indicators of how right-on this way of being is>>the incredible exhilaration of movement and joy just became the desired experience.
Life is accelerating, changing so fast now! It's much easier to yield to my innate aliveness and to flow and dance with life enjoying the movement and also having the confidence that I can alter thing whenever I need to. This is living based on the true understanding of reality that I have. I am a powerful creator who can revise reality to suit my heart's desires. Continually. I don't have to know what I want ultimately, I just have to know what I want NOW. I just choose what's right NOW. Later if I want something different I can do/choose that.
We are learning to live in Infinite Time, embodying our eternal, creative, limitless selves, which are continually changing/moving/expressing...holding onto NOTHING. Why would we? We're one with everything anyway...? It's more a matter of where our focused experience and expression is right NOW.
We are movement as life is movement.
For me, I love running, sprinting, speed--things like skiing, bike riding, driving with all the windows down and the air rushing by me, rollerblading and skating fast--so that's my way of stepping fully into the nature of this true reality. For others it might be different--maybe more like swimming, or diving, dancing, or flowing. Choose your way of moving...what feels right to you, but I encourage you to tap into the incredible joy of motion with the increasing energy.
In light of our innate ongoing movement--wave-particle-wave-particle--it ought to come as no surprise then that hesitating feels irritatingly icky and moving feels incredibly fabulous.
I AM/We Are movement embodied, I invite you to choose to cooperate with that.
Exhilaration is yours to experience!
And WOW. It feels wonderful.
by meredith murphy
This morning as I started my day to a mocking bird orchestra-in-one, and then a flock of naturalized parrots took flight, soaring overhead and squawking with such exuberance that all the dogs including our new puppy Lily stopped, turned and looked up, I began to ponder my song.
As a non-native speaker of these early morning songs, I can only marvel at their lyrical beauty. Birds to me and to many of us have long symbolized freedom. Their innate rapport with the sky alone is enough to create a sense of awe. Their consistent singing, though is what really moves me. It feels to me like the same commitment to being that trees and flowers demonstrate; a devotion to embodying the essence of each aspect regardless of location, weather, or any other mitigating circumstance.
Birds, I've noticed, sing even in the rain. They sing when the local city workers are drilling and putting in new traffic lights, like this morning. They sing when it's cold and when it's scaldingly hot and hasn't rained in months. They just sing.
I love to sing and although I typically don't start my day that way, I actually used to. I typically start my day in quiet, listening, which I also love. But I have not been singing much these last few years after giving my piano away when it lost it's tune and although I intended to buy a new one, I haven't and slowly as it often happens, music a great passion of my early days, just faded out of my daily experience.
I remember being in college and going to choir after lunch while a student a Michigan State. The incredible joy of making such beautiful sounds, breathing deeply and doing so with others, was pretty heavenly.
Considering all the themes in life lately that have been urging us to tune into our heart's desires, I am wondering if perhaps it's time to take a hint from the birds and begin to do so--meaning to sing more, consciously and with the kind of simple enthusiasm for dawn, another day, for being alive and aware, to articulate my own affinity with the sky by wafting my own sounds on the breeze and letting my heart flow into song.
I think there's a connection between music, the spheres, birds and harmony which is potentially the root of happiness: a no holds barred expressing of one's essence in the dance of life.
Singing is often associated with the breath, and there are all kinds of feelings about if one sings well, or not and who is a singer. But in truth the birds songs I loved so much this morning were more about the innate ability we each have to just let our heart-felt participation in this amazing expansion loose!
These songs were just sung. No rehersal. These beautiful birds are being, not performing. It was sharing, communicating, expressing perhaps, but there was no evaluation or judgment, just letting it rip with no thoughts--second or otherwise.
I can see where in the midst of this is some sort of cosmic clue: a recipe for happiness. Something about love for everything and just being part of the game. The birds don't have some idea of who they are or how they should sing that interferes or narrates the experience. They just do it. They do it their own way. It's their thing.
When I sing with this kind of release, I feel great. I am entirely extravagantly relaxed (all that breath pouring in and out) and happy. It all becomes effortless and like the bird, I am free. In a moment like this we just flow with sound and breath in a Oneness that's ancient and emblamatic of the nature of our being and all being. Sound is, after all, vibration. Vibration is the essence of life and light. While singing we potentially release our identity as one being and become One with that moment of focus, with the harmony of other singers, the instrument, the dogs barking, the sound of the lawn mower, the tune on the radio, or even, sometimes a counterpoint to the silence.
Our life is song as there is vibration created by our energy, from our intentions which take vibrational structure and although we don't often hear them, we emanate their themes. We are continually, in essence, singing!
Singing has always given me joy and as I awaken I feel the longing for more of it again. I sing to my dogs when I feed them. I sing in my car. And I can feel that this desire to sing is expanding. It is I suspect a conscious, reliable pathway to the essence of my being, which is innately happy. It's a way to dip into my connection with everything, to flow the energy of breath from my heart into sound and to allow my melody to take the essence of me to the sky. The resurfacing of my desire to sing, however, is more than that--it's a sign that my whole being is longing for release beyond story and purpose into just expressing the essence I am.
It's a reflection of the changes within and the transformation that is flowing within all of us. It's becoming self-evident that my song is vital and important as is yours. And that each of us choosing to be our own undistorted melody is the essence of the new song...the song of harmony, peace, love and happiness on the inner planes, mirrored in the manifest reality.
I may not be able to fly, but as I realize that I am consistently singing, I can own my ability to tune the air to my song. I consciously realize that I am continually broadcasting, and everything that is, hear's everything I transmit.
With this in mind, I choose to be the essence of me: an enthusiastic sharer. A joy-filled being who loves to translate into words, paintings, stories, experiences, or sounds, what I've felt, discovered, know and love. That's me. That's my song. And there is no end...there's more where that came from, I am infinite and limitlessly expanding with everything that is.
Each day that I let myself just be myself, without judgment or concern, I sing my true song. There is the ultimate alignment of being as essence. There is ease. Life opens up as I do. I become one with the morning with creation and claim my own connection to the sky. And instead of pondering my song, I simply close the gap by being me: I AM my song.
by meredith murphy
Meditation saved my life.
I used to say this all the time after I began sitting meditation almost 20 years ago. I still remember the moment when all that labeling of thoughts as "thinking" actually showed up spontaneously in the middle of an argument as an angry, reactionary thought arose and instead of speaking, I heard, in my mind "thinking." And then there was this stillness. WOW!! I realized I'm witnessing my thoughts--not just merged with them. There was through meditation, now a gap created between thoughts and me. Eventually I experienced great bliss and an expansiveness in which I experientially merged with/felt the Oneness of and with everything. Over time my thoughts just stilled. The mind just got quiet and now if I'm not consciously thinking my mind is routinely, consistently spacious and quiet.
It certainly makes it a lot easier to hear your inner being when there isn't a constant sound track going on about everything and anything!
The gradual "showing up" to meditate, does what meditation does--it begins to free the mind; reinstating it's natural luminosity and spaciousness. For me this has been a wonderful path. I have experienced great realization in meditation and the benefits continue to flow into my life. Sometime ago I wrote a little article about developing detachment and neutrality through meditation, and based on some recent emails I've received about the desire to quiet the mind and listen to the heart, feel the soul presence, I thought I would share it here...
One of the most valuable practices in developing detachment and neutrality is meditation that cultivates mindfulness, or develops what is called, “witness” consciousness. I practice a combination of Tibetan/Zen/Taoist Meditation, which is one way to cultivate the natural state of mind.
The reason this meditation works is that your mind is truly naturally spacious and quiet―like the sky (that’s the metaphor/image I love). And like the sky has sun and clouds and moon and lightening and other phenomenon move through/across it, the sky is just the sky―spacious and unchanged by say a flash of lightening. When we train our mind in this type of meditation we become increasingly detached from the “lightening” of our mind. This detachment creates a gap, or space, and it is in this space that we experience freedom. We can relate to life in freedom rather then by reacting, or identifying with what flows through our mind. The benefit of practicing this type of meditation specifically is that you grow in your ability to simply observe thoughts and images, or even whole story lines and emotions as they arise and naturally dissolve, without being them―becoming them, or getting attached to them or pushing them away. Thus you begin to not build up congestion through incomplete experiences, for you flow, as if on an inner tube down the river while noticing friends on one shore and yucky experiences on the other―you neither grab at things, nor push them away, you take what the Buddhist’s call “the middle way” you flow, allowing all that arises to rise and dissolve, as you continue to be present, detached and neutral about everything.
The photo above is me meditating at the Krishnamurti Center in Ojai, CA (taken by my dear friend Sofia Peacock). It’s helpful to meditate in a quiet place and returning to the same place paves the way energetically. As Krishnamurti and others have meditated here, the energy was very wonderful to shift into and the space itself supported my focus. I’ve meditated outside, and in many places, with others who are experienced and with “newbies” who are learning. All of it is valuable, but the most precious for me is meditating, in my own home, early in the morning, with myself. I make a cup of green tea, or coffee first, and enjoy that on my cushion before I sit. Sometimes if I’m hungry I eat a banana. You can have breakfast first too. Do whatever works for you and supports you in being present. You’ll see that as with all things, being loving and attentive to yourself, allowing rather than being critical, allows the experience to arise effortlessly.
how to practice?
1. Choose a quiet place and a quiet time in which you will not be disturbed. Ideal times are early in the morning. It’s okay to have coffee/tea first :) The energy is quieter early in the day, which supports the experience you are cultivating, but any time is fine. Also, if possible sit at around the same time each day―this helps to build the habit and help you get into the meditation quickly; you’re cultivating a pattern of being.
2. Set a timer. You don’t want to be checking the clock during meditation to see how much more time, or how much time has already gone by. In the beginning it’s beneficial to sit for at least 15-20 minutes. Some people don’t really experience their mind quiet until closer to 40 minutes. Choose what you can. I personally like to sit between 30 and 60 minutes as after an initial period of settling the energy deepens and expands and I feel the benefits exponentially. Whatever feels right to you and works for you is good. Just choose a time frame and stick to it. Set a timer on your phone, or somehow so it will go off when you’re don’t and place it out of eyesight.
3. Practice every day. If possible. It’s called practice, right?
4. Sit upright in a way you are comfortable but most importantly so that your spine is straight. You can sit in a chair or on a meditation cushion. It’s good to be comfortable so sit however is easiest for you―that way you minimize any way you might be distracted by the body while you meditate.
5. Place your hands palms-down on your thighs.
6. Keep your eyes open and look in front of you and downward―say 12-18 inches in front of your body, toward the floor. Keep your gaze soft, looking at this same general spot, not focusing, just resting your eyes there. This is your position for the entire meditation. Once you begin, try not to move physically. If your feet or hips or legs fall asleep, shift to a new position and again, then try not to move.
7. Breathe normally. Pay attention to your breathing; meaning what you are doing now is looking softly downward and just noticing your breath. Notice that as you inhale, there is a rising in your abdomen. As you exhale, feel your abdomen relaxing back into its neutral position. Just notice this. Softly.
8. While watching your breath you will discover you are no longer watching your breath, you are thinking. You’ll discover you are making a grocery list, thinking about a person, engaged in a mental conversation, or having images flash through your mind.
9. In this practice, we're simply going to name the thoughts and images that arise, by saying to yourself, quietly, gently, neutrally when you notice this is happening, "thinking."
10. As you label the thoughts “thinking” the attitude is mellow. Detached, friendly and relaxed, like gently telling a puppy, “sit.” Just observe and label.
11. Then return to watching the breath.
12. Do not be concerned with how often or how much this happens. If your mind wanders, no problem, just come back. You don’t have to make any effort to change what’s happening, just label it, “thinking,” and return again to watching your breath.
13. The part of you that is observing and labeling the thinking is called the Witness Consciousness, or the energy of Mindfulness - and is the part of our mind that remains forever untouched by its contents - by the thoughts and images arising within it. A traditional metaphor for this aspect of mind is that it is similar to the deepest part of an ocean - which remains calm, still & silent, even if at its surface, waves (of thinking, emotion, or sensation) are raging.
14. When the alarm goes off, turn it off. Take a moment to come back to your body and notice how you feel.
notes
The great thing about meditation is that it’s not about effort or trying to do it right. You just have to show up. There is no way to do it wrong. So give up evaluating or comparing and just do it. Do it when it seems wonderful. Do it when it’s not. Just keep doing it. The practice does the work, you show up. Trust it. Humans have been using it for a long time and it’s well known for it’s benefits.
As a little side note especially to the metaphysically inclined: it’s good to remember the purpose of witness meditation is NOT to have phenomenon show up―like to start channeling or see angels or anything. The practice is to quiet the mind and experience the natural spaciousness and peace that is your true presence. So if you start having these experiences, don’t become enamored with them, just label them “thinking,” and return to your breath.
For questions about meditation and your practices to cultivate happiness, joy, clarity and presence in life, I am happy to be of service. Feel free to get in touch via email: Meredith@ExpectWonderful.com
Namaste!
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If you'd like to print, save or download these ideas for meditation? click here: Developing detachment and neutrality through meditation
by meredith murphy
I am still humming with awe at my entry into this auspicious year of 2012, and astonished by what can be accomplished by forgiveness--especially self-forgiveness--on this journey of remembering and re-assembling as light.
Recently I traveled to Lake Louise in the Canadian Rockies. I went to gather energies and experience the Archangel Michael vortex there for the dawn of the Lunar New Year. I was thrilled to be returning--it had been 28 years since my last visit to the Canadian Rockies, and I booked a room with a view of the lake in the beautiful Chateau.
Even before I travelled there I was craving silence. I'm not talking about quiet, I mean silence. Like "not talking, no sound, hours on end into days just being" kind of silence. I kept thinking about the character in "Eat, Pray, Love," who took a vow of silence and walked around with an I'M IN SILENCE name-tag on. I knew that I needed a deepening that was available in not talking not reading not engaging the mind or the voice, in letting go of the need to communicate things. So I let my friends and family know I would not be talking while I was there and I entered into a silent communion with myself in this sacred place.
What I hadn't anticipated was the intensity of the emotional release and spiritual clarification I would experience.
My first day there I felt the affinity with this place at this time--as the layers and layers of snow and the miles of gently touched mountains were vibrating with the feeling that was surfacing in me. The photo above is a photo I took while hiking around Lake Louise and back toward the glaciers on Mt. Victoria. I walked quietly and mostly alone, save for a few cross country skiers on the lake, for several hours, back into the forest behind the lake, past frozen waterfalls, and small spots where fresh water still ran, not frozen, and then I just stopped, standing in the stillness, merging with it all, letting go.
The potent combination of the gentle yet pristine energies with silence, initiated a review of my life and my feeling about me, that left me emotionally exhausted, physically drained, and energetically cleansed.
Ever since arriving in Banff and then Lake Louise, I found my heart opening and all kinds of things moved me. At my first glimpse of the foothills, I had a powerful release and had to pull my car off the road, while I let the unarticulated emotions flow through me.
This feeling of emotional release only intensified as I arrived at Lake Louise and checked into the Chateau. Everything moved me! I recognized the undiffrentiated oneness of reality expressed in other people, in families eating breakfast, in the dog sleeping in the lobby, in the kids skating, the foreign visitors taking photos of the ice sculptures and most of all, in the mirror. My eyes teared up, my heart chakra burned and opened wider, it felt good, but intense. I wept and cried, sometimes so much so I had to get up and go to the bathroom and blow my nose, or back to my room to just lie down for a good release/cry, and often with no specific idea about why--just this deep feeling of unity and beauty. I felt the incredible joyous happiness of loving everything and everyone and not needing to get away from anything--everything felt good and fine and actually, like a long-lost, previously unreognized soul-mate. It was amazing.
Then the clearing triggered by all this high-vibe energy began. The day following my long walk, all kinds of unpleasant ideas about me and my life surfaced for review and release, for love and most of all for forgiveness--some of others, but mostly, self-forgiveness. Old and long-seemingly forgotten impressions arose--of many people I disappointed and those who disappointed me. The combination of this amazing place, and the simple act of not filling up my attention with things, allowed things needing my attention to just come forth.
It was painful, and challenging and unexpected. I knew enough to let it flow. To remember I was not these feelings and to try and enlarge my perspective (unsuccessfully). I knew the point of this was to forgive myself--for all the ways I wasn't who I wanted to be throughout my life. I am grateful that even though I had very strong difficult feelings, I also knew this was the energy of a powerful place working on me and I trusted this most relentless and agonizing experience. I wasn't feeling grateful particularly while it was happening, but there was a sense of trust. I was amazed to realize how alive these feelings were. How much they still hurt. How difficult it was to let them flow through me. I felt the pain of the times I fell short of my own ideas of who I wanted to be, when I wasn't able to do what I said, or wanted to do, when I fell short of ideals of other people who I love, when I broke promises, spoke sharp words in anger, judged and criticized someone else, held myself back out of fears of not being good enough, but mostly it was the times I felt I let other people close to me down that hurt the most--and all of this came up and ultimately looped back to how I felt about me. In the midst of all this, I began to feel dismayed and as if my trip was a waste! Yet, even then, with all this going on for hours with seemingly no end, my heart knew otherwise. I just kept breathing. I knew not to reach out to friends or anyone else--I knew I would be fine and more importantly that there was a great gift in letting myself experience all this with surrender and awareness.
The night after this most difficult day I went to bed early--about 7:30 pm--with these still unresolved difficult feelings and thoughts lingering. I was exhausted. I woke up in the pre-dawn hours about 4 am. I got up to look out the window--I couldn't see anything except the lit ice rink, the frozen part of Lake Louise closest to the hotel. The mountains and the glacier were hidden and the whole sky was dark. I lay back down and tuned in, feeling myself. I felt a little better. I allowed the whole thing going on to surface fully in my awareness and I again chose to elevate my view, to look at my life and all these disappointing memories and feelings, from the perspective of my higher self and at last, with no effort, it came: an enveloping soft wave of love, and a moment of true knowing from within. Clear realization and soft feelings. I just knew that I had done the best I could. I felt the genuine relief of knowing my own timeless, infinite energy was simpy having an experience. Many experiences. I could see this beyond labels, stories, judgment and duality because the Oneness I Am was alive and well and coursing through my whole being. I called upon the I AM that I AM and asked for the experience of self-forgiveness. I was able to truly, deeply, forgive myself and let go of everything that lingered within me--all those memories and the stories, the enormous guilt and sadness. I felt the roots of all this just dissolve--the interpretation that somehow I ought to have been anything other then what and who I was in each and every moment of this experience--of any experience, really. I realized I was no longer comparing myself and my life with these expectations. I saw how ridiculous it all was--this idea of needing to be something I'm not. I felt how totally a-okay I really am and always have been while still knowing everything I know about me. I held it all in my awareness and it just dissolved into love. I saw everything in the light of the Oneness I AM. I smiled outloud! Everything felt very still and quiet, but in a totally different way. I noticed: there were no thoughts, no sad feelings, nothing, but the quiet of the night and the glorious lingering feeling of peace. I laughed. Then I laughed again. I kept laughing. And then, I said it outloud, "I completely forgive myself. Yes! I entirely release all of this." Then I asked my higher self to clear out all these energies within me and I felt the appreciation of letting go of all these illusions! about me/my life.
I went back to sleep. I slept deep into the morning. When I woke up everything was, and is, still peaceful, new and quiet. :)
Self-forgiveness is the ultimate balm for the heart. Nothing I've ever experienced has been so transformative and made such huge, sweeping and lasting changes in my life in such short time. If you think of it, a life review that took a couple of days and liberates this kind of joy is quite amazing. All kinds of practices and ways of focusing can get us into clarity, calm, expansive spaciousness or a feel good state, but this deep return to wholeness given by forgiving ourselves eclipses all of those other ways of arriving at happiness--when we love ourselves as are ourselves just as we already are, happiness just IS. Right now. Continually. No journey required.
When I returned and the experience had integrated a bit I saw that letting go of all these illusions about me, liberates a sense of non-Self. A return to unity in awareness so that I no longer consider my value, my purpose, my origins, my unique possibilities--all of these are stories, layered upon the simplicity of being. When I am healed of guilt and the need to please others, or myself, my heart now freed, is just open and life is and I live directly. I create, I sit, I write down and put words to ideas. I don't evaluate it or analyze it. I express what I feel and I let it be as it is. I feel a sense of resonance or completion when I've reflected the wholeness of an idea, but there is no judgement or thinking about it. It's just knowing through feeling.
I have been fortunate to live much of my life with self-confidence, clarity, a sense of empowerment and joy. Yet still, underneath it were these common threads of so many paths of the human experience, tying up my heart and holding me hostage to my own inner (internalized) critic. Pushing me. Inhibiting my flow in very subtle ways...interrupting my natural state and pinching me just a little bit off from feeling unabashadly, across my whole life, SUPERBLY great about me, which of course inhibits my ability to feel superbly great about ALL of me (which includes you and everything else...)
For many of us, we work at getting here, seeking seeking seeking. But as many great spiritual teachers have shared with us, that doesn't work--it actually comes from not seeking. It's already here. It really just needs to be released and revealed. And for me, letting go of all these stories, was like the last turn of the combination lock that set me free. Letting go of any idea of separation-- which breeds comparison and feelings of inadequacy, ideas that there is "A" way things ought to be, or should have happened. How ridiculous is it to argue with reality? How often we do so. Clarity and freedom are experienced when we stop trying to be anything and instead we just let ourself be who we already are.
Without the stories evaluating and defining me, articulating my meaning and the purpose of my life, guess what? Nothing falls apart. Surprisingly I continue to be and feel like myself, only lighter and happier. I discover there is not even relief in this experience, for there is no sense of the other to find relief from--it's dissappeared! It's just easy and natural. Now home, in California, with my cat Astra sleeping on the cushion next to me, I realize this is how she lives--with no idea of self. Just being.
We are everything. We may not be able to cognate about it, or put it into words, but we can actually live as the Oneness we are, without having a definition of who we are. We can stop paying so much attention to the flavor of our bodies, the particulars of our work, the ideas of who we want to be. We don't need an elevator speech about our career, or a way to tell people what we're doing with our life. We can go deeper, wider and beyond this and just relate directly to life. We can show up without using stories or labels, or conventions to define who any of us are. We can drop the need to please or impress others by telling them in some careful way who we are and what we do. We can stop defining people this way too. So much of what we say about our selves is a cover-up to smooth out and make ourselves into who we want to be seen as. It implies there is some need to do this, that there is something wrong with just being who you are. That if you don't say these things, you will be misunderstood, not valued, not seen, not loved, that the real you just being there, isn't enough. There is nothing wrong with who you are. Or anything you've done or not done. There is not a "thing" you have to do. Everytime we layer these stories on top of our life, we complicate things and remove ourselves from direct experience. We hide our most radiant essence from our selves and attempt to dress it up for others.
As uncomplicated and unbelievable as it may sound--somehow the truth is that just being genuinely carefree and happy you are everything. Ironically it's by not striving that so much is emanated and experienced.
Striving and goals are expressions of separation. Does my heart have to have a goal to beat and keep me alive? Do my eyes have to make an effort and strive to read the words I type? No. This is innate and just is. The Oneness we are flows into everything, taking form as the information holographically structures everything. We are holographic to the whole, which means we have access to everything while being this particular essence of All.
How do we "get there," then? How do we re-learn how to just be and stop thinking and trying so hard? For me it has been a long, gradual process of becoming more aware of how I relate to myself, and the linch-pin was actually to deeply and fully go through my past and see all the things I still felt badly about and then, slowly gently, forgive myself. How do we forgive ourselves? For me, this was triggered by silence...lots of it. When we stop talking and we stop distracting ourselves with conversation and brain-food and activity, gradually stuff surfaces. We notice what's underneath it all and I won't kid you--for me, this was hard. We may find that we identify with the bad feelings the memories of all the times we "failed" to be who we thought we ought to be. We try to reconcile the past with the now. We wonder how others will view us now, if they only knew all the ways we were "less than great" in the past. We feel the agony of holding ourselves to some standard beyond what we truly were capable of at the time. The only relief is to let go--to bring love to our own self-perception and gradually, gently we let go of all the expectations that we have and have had, of ourselves. Doing this, we are more able to forgive others. (Bonus!) It is these expectations we have of ourselves that create guilt, that allow us to hold a grudge against ourselves (and others) and beyond them we instead relate to life as IT IS. Not as we in our mind think it ought to be, or what should have been possible, or what we wanted to happen, we relate to life as it is. Knowing that like the heart and the eyes, the human being--me and you--are just as we are. (And together we are such a beautiful One!) So, perhaps, then we just lighten up about it all.
What if, we give ourselves permission and stop thinking about everything so much and living a mediated experience--choreographed and narrated by our mind--instead, we become a direct expression of life? No interference. No running commentary. No need to compare or evaluate. Just here, just now. Just being and not worrying about the results or the destination. Allowing ourselves to say what we feel, to feel what we feel and to just be a free, fresh, innocent presence within our own life. Noticing everything, loving and appreciating everything, not-engaged but fully present; curious and interested. Filled with love, expressing as kindness and tenderness and a sense of humor about the many variations of our own self--some in our form over time, some reflected in others.
Having given up the need to be perfect, better, or other then we are, and having forgiven ourselves (meaning having released all the expectations of our own life where we argued with what was possible, what simply was) we finally become free. Happy with life as it is, enjoying the process of being and growing and creating, yet loving all variations on the One theme...And just as we are, without making all kinds of improvements to ourselves, just by dropping the expectations that we be different than we are, we change everything.
Now, at peace within and in this quiet, simple generous fulfillment of our being, we begin to create the inner reality of New Earth made manifest. Luminous being arises; as light reflecting the Oneness, we expand the lens of the Golden Dawn, love flowing through us, and the momentum and light growing toward that much anticipated morning. Remembering, reflecting and re-assembling the One IAM/WeAre.
by meredith murphy
There are so many good things to wake up to. I just ate the most amazingly sweet pear. An entirely good reason to get out of bed in and of itself! What's next life...?! Loving all of it.
Feeling very peaceful and rested at last after many high-vibe-buzzing days with less sleep and the body-temple hunkered down to integrate all the energy that has been flowing onto our beautiful planet.
I succeeded in getting rid of LOTS of stuff over the past week. Another layer of life-simplification in honor of our upcoming entry into the lunar new year. It is amazing how emotional and draining it was to let go of things. I noticed I could go through things effortlessly for a while, but then I would reach a limit--I needed a break. If I pushed through and continued "throwing stuff into the good-will bag" I got irritated and sad about even things I haven't used. ? What's up with that life? I sincerely crave deeper simplicity and I would like a little cooperation!
Then I realized that somehow there was a feeling of decisiveness about my life contained in all of these small actions; each an act of consolidation. Many steps toward converging in the now and not keeping tendrils of energy anywhere else--like embedded in things with memories that reflect prior pathways. As if somehow letting go of these things, was a gradual act of putting all of my energy in this version of self and acknowledging more consciously the life I have chosen and created.
Of course the up-side of all of this is a much clearer, cleaner house, and more energy. Empowerment even, for consciously drawing all of our energy into the present moment gives us great power.
So I persevered throughout the week, gradually accumulating bag and box after bag and box, until the hallway was full of them and I began to forget what was even in them and the feeling of lightness begin to come over me.
Last night going to bed I surveyed my newly sparse landscape and was surprised. I realized that somehow all those things felt a little like insulation. I had this feeling that I might get cold, literally! That I might somehow be less interesting and life might be less fun without all these expressions of the many versions of Meredith's-life that these clothes and books and shoes and old papers and electronic devices represented. "Well," I thought to myself putting another blanket on the bed and crawling in with my socks on..."we'll see."
It couldn't be more confirming that when I did this I woke up this morning I felt deeply rested and peaceful. Lying in bed reflecting on my dreams for some reason I thought, "I wonder how much more I could let go of..." and I exhaled and let my body go soft. I was surprised that even upon awakening there was the potential to relax more! So I did this several times, until I could seemingly relax no more. Amazing that even emerging from sleep there were layers of energy in some kind of holding pattern. Relaxed now I felt immersed in the living stream of consciousness. I felt waves of Shakti energy rise up my spine. Smiling I turned to pet my purring cat lying next to me, and just let it flow.
A bit later sitting down with my gorgeous juicy pear, some Ezekiel toast with raw almond butter and a cup of coffee, I savored all of this.
The Universe, reflective as it is, deepened things. Writing this post, I googled "photos of a red d'Anjou pear" because none of the ones I took did justice to this glorious piece of fruit I had just eaten. Out of all the photos that came up I immediately resonated to this one--loving both the composition/lighting and the fact that it looks pretty much exactly like the pear I had.
http://www.flickr.com/photos/lesyeuxheureux/5495084615/
Laugh of all laughs--the copyrighted photo (thus my lame homage above) is by my ex-husband, Christopher Casilli.
As a reminder that we own nothing, that we simply let experiences flow through us, that nothing ever ends, and nothing is ever really separate, I got a big wink from the Universe. I couldn't believe it.
We've not spoken in years, divorcing in 1999 and yet here he is again and here I am resonating to him--feeling drawn to that image immediately and above all others. Out of the blue! I didn't even know he was taking photos. Reminding me that "things" and form, have nothing to do with connection. All paths and energy being infinitely open and available, drawn forth by focus.
Everything I experience or have experienced, arises from the ground of reality, the Infinite Oneness. There is no way to immerse myself in this or separate myself from it. These are illusions of duality. I can buy into illusions that connections are created by physical presence, things, or memories, but in truth connection simply IS. And everyone and everything is a reflection of this One Self, the Infinite Beautiful Oneness, I AM/We Are. There is no immersion in the stream of consciousness, I AM the stream of consciousness.
Blessings and love to you Christopher--thank you for this humorous pulse of truth and what a gorgeous photo! Namaste to all versions of me reading this. I love you.
An experiential definition of Oneness is fully available. Freely given. Moment to moment. Happiness of being arises from this awareness. There are many doorways to this realization; life opens to us at ever moment. Even a piece of fruit can wake you up!
by meredith murphy
I've been reflecting lately on all the small shifts I've made over time which have accumulated into the happiness I now experience.
Happiness I've learned, is not the result of one thing, but a certain way of being and a momentum of many things stringing together moments where we feel good.
All of us long for happiness. In fact, many wise people have observed that we all do everything we do because we sense or thought of feel or realized at one time that this would make us happy.
To create a life in which happiness is a boundless spring within ourselves is a worthy aspiration. It's also in harmony with life--it's something we cannot seem to squash the desire for. So going for it and learning what paths create this is not just fun, but also smart. Because consciously or not, this deep seeded desire actually influences everything.
It seems to me in my own experience that there are things which always elicit happiness and things which seem like they will but don't. Of course there are those things we each say/do which we sort of know from experience will not feel good and yet we do them anyway. Often these make us feel really bad--because we've acted on our own behalf in a way that isn't serving our own wellbeing. Yet if we're gentle and honest, we discover that underneath those kind of patterns there is, yet again, the sincere desire for happiness. Typically there is some pay-off for the behavior that is usually a diluted form of feeling good. Maybe it's the best way we knew how to get to feeling good in the past? So even if it's a lame version of happiness we choose it because it seems to be better than not having any happiness. So maybe we can just lighten up about all of this and realize we are in our own perhaps warped way, just seeking the fundmanetal nature of reality--which is joy. Even though some of our choices result in experiences that feel icky (Like eating sweets when we want love.) We can recognize the basic impulse toward happiness and instead of beating ourselves up we can just choose to add a small new habit into our life which might help us tap into love in a more sustainable way.
What's amazing is that sometimes it's easier to just build new wonderful feel-good ways of being, then to drop bad habits. Sometimes we can just pivot our experience through looking at and paying attention to something new and healthy and wonderful and amazingly, over time, we realize the old bad habits that didn't serve us has just dissolved on its own.
I like this kind of approach because it's easier. Why not choose the easy path? It's just a simple truth--the more uplifting, congruent, love-filled moments in my day, the less of any other kind of experiences. So the not-happy moments gradually just got squeezed out.
Now it's the exceptional moment when I feel content--content being a downward dip in my experience. Generally I know a sustained experience where I am present, clear and happy! Occasionally I feel frustrated. And very rarely irritated or angry. Because these lower-vibe experiences are the exception, I am very quickly aware of what's happening and so can choose to care for my experience. For me the important thing when I am triggered or feel badly is to just be aware and then to interrupt this. I just stop participating in whatever is happening. Once I've interrupted this, sometimes I just feel good and well-being returns spontaneously. Then I can "clean up" anything I need to--like apologizing to someone if I wasn't really listening, or for leaving a conversation because I had to take care of myself. All of this happens pretty smoothly now, because happiness is a groove for me vibrationally, as I've cultivated it, and it's natural for the inner-smile to come forth again.
The amazing thing is that none of these changes were difficult to make. That's because I made them when I felt ready, or inspired. When the idea of this way of being was nudging me, popping up synchronistically all around me, pointing me in this direction. So I made changes when I was in alignment with new ways of being. How do you know this? If you sense something will bring you more happiness, it likely will. Simple as that.
Some of these changes took longer than others to truly become a habit, but they all reflect things I care about--kindness, openness, love, appreciation, respect for life, nature, enthusiasm, warmth, simplicity, beauty. I suspect it's because they are aligned with my values that they eventually took root within me and have just become who I am and how I do things.
Here's a few of the changes I've made that I've seen great benefit from: drinking more water, using/checking in with direct knowing rather then using my mind to "figure things out," stretching when I wake up, paying bills with happiness for all I receive, washing my dishes right after I'm done eating, eliminating animal meat, eating more fruit, taking time to focus on my breath, enjoying a daily sunbath, calling in my higher self and grounding each morning, deciding not to take anyone's comments or feedback as criticism--seeing it as just their opinion, always welcoming my dogs/cats when they want attention, learning to be alone with myself, journaling, meditation, listening more and talking less, following my intuition even if I don't understand it, smiling at each person I come in contact with, waiting until I know what I want/want to do before doing it--not trying to "find" answers--letting them come to me, walking my dog every day and noticing the trees and the sky while I'm out walking, making a choice to sustain eye contact with others, getting up early.
You'll notice these are process related, not results related. I am not trying to achieve a certain outcome. I am choosing to live in ways that express what I care about and the kind of presence I wish to be.
I didn't do all of these at once, but little by little they accumulated. Some are larger and more pervasive and took more time to accomplish. All began with an intention to move in this direction and to become this kind of a person. Small or large, all of these changes can enlarge our experience as we take the time to focus upon one and then allow it to become an organic part of how we live. They may seem subtle but building new habits is a powerful thing. Just one of these becoming a habit, becoming who you are/how you live in an ongoing way, will have long lasting implications for your light and your happiness.
It's exciting to realize there so many little ways to open up our experience to more wholeness and joy.
I love making small changes because they are easier and also they snowball--the wellbeing we develop through one path opens up our whole life.
As we discover the new experiences that come from one path or doorway into greater awareness, we become more aware in general. As we choose small shifts in being and doing that reflect our values and ideals, we amplify our ability to embody these qualities. So the great gift of paying attention to your life and making small changes to reflect what you sense will bring you more happiness, is it shifts your consciousness and refines your emanation to reflect and be MORE of you! Pretty cool.
What small shift, or opening has been nudging you from within lately? Has it occurred to you that your higher self flows through your consciousness like a stream and might be planting ideas within you with this little flow of inspiration? If it's a big change can you break it into pieces and start small? What new habit would you love to create that would feel good and make your life more fun?
Enlarge your experience of aliveness? Be sneaky and clever. Smart small. Unleash an innocuous momentum of happiness in your life. Catch yourself offguard...seed your life with newness while no one is noticing. Cultivate and grow. Get your inner smile on.
photo by Pink Sherbert Photography http://www.flickr.com/photos/pinksherbet/250674118
